Bring It In and Begin

silky wings
slip through choppy flight
I release and pause
with momentum under
a quiet moment
to tell you I love you
a breath so natural
an exhale with your name

instead I seal my lips
turning to face inward
my heart so open
with silence I fly
into new and old wounds
I will do more than recover
not knowing the next unfolding
I can surrender without losing.

To Make Everything Right Again

life seems to be made up
of miniature elements stacked
without much notice.

and then, when it’s gone
well, yes – it all comes
a’ swarming in
and floods your eyes
so all you can see is that.

and you walk around
with a big gaping hole
missing in your heart
with a bit of dismemberment
thrown into the mix.

all you can do
is hold onto shreds of yourself
left over,
from some other time.

hold onto it
and grow into more
so that it eventually
fills up all the mistakes
and guilt and hate
and makes you
into a human you can love
again – or for the first time.

a hard thing to accept,
the reality of pure
cause and effect,
no destiny, no magical meaning,
no hidden reason
lurking in the shadows
waiting to unravel itself,
to make everything right again.

Most of the Time

well
that was a rush
of love and family
and way too many gifts.

i felt a churn
inside, sedated
yet piercing
and i’m wondering
if it’s real change
i’m ready for,
or my own door
i’m arriving at.

i stretch
my sentimental
memory feelers out
into territory
that usually destroys,
but now it’s like probing
a static picture,
nothing moving
nothing hurting.

and i wonder if
i’ve moved beyond
or if i’ve simply
cacooned up
as an act
of self-preservation,
waiting to emerge
some other time.

either way,
i got through christmas
and i smiled
real smiles,
most of the time.

Exhaling Hope

a christmas eve
with tiny, missing,
punctured holes
that let in some sort of light
from another, unseen side.

which side
i don’t know
but another side does shine through
in dark beams
of unidentified elements.

the winter creeps
with icy wind
at my window
rattling loneliness,
flattening my heart.

a twinkle
on the christmas tree
sighs with me
as i greet it,
she tells me,
‘tomorrow will bring
your heart back to you’,
and i smirk in disbelief,
exhaling hope
for a merry christmas.

The Devil’s Workshop

This is where my silver-smithing classes are held.
This is where my silver-smithing classes are held.

I registered for a silversmith class today, it starts february 6th, and goes for 6 weeks. I’m so happy about this. The first project is making a ring and setting a stone in it, and then there are 3-4 other projects after that. I’ve always been so curious about this, and there is this little place right up the street from my place that i always walk by. Last night when i strolled passed it i though”i’m doin it”. And today, i went back and signed up. The two women in there were really cool and nice. I left the shop with a huge smile on my face. 🙂

Brother

My brother sent me this today.

“Take heed that when effort is too strenuous it leads to strain and when too slack to laziness. So make a firm determination that you will adopt the middle way, nor allowing yourself to struggle or to slacken, but recognizing that faith, energy, mindfulness, concentration, and wisdom are the fruits of a calm and equable way.”

ok, big brother.

Let the River In

Ghost

ease on it, light the dim. work my way out into a brighter area, something i can accept and understand. take care of yourself, my friends tell me. sometimes, i don’t know what this means. but when i listen to music like this, i get an idea of what that could mean for me. listen to yourself, the words inside that are wrapped around feelings and ideas, express myself, don’t be afraid. let the river in. without being submerged nor attempting transcendence…i struggle to find the courage to be inspired by myself. with so much gone and shaky, and old and new, and blown to bits…with so much sad-hearted twisting, i struggle to get through and burrow into this thing inside of me.

here is a song that feels right for me today. i’ve been enjoying Radical Face’s album Ghost. It’s simple and complicated, and it takes you places. Layered, with soothing and soulful lyrics.

http://songza.com/z/qg64lh