You Are There

~~~a lovely poem, not mine~~~
by Erica Jong

You are there.
You have always been
there.
Even when you thought
you were climbing
you had already arrived.
Even when you were
breathing hard,
you were at rest.
Even then it was clear
you were there.

Not in our nature
to know what
is journey and what
arrival.
Even if we knew
we would not admit.
Even if we lived
we would think
we were just
germinating.

To live is to be
uncertain.
Certainty comes
at the end.

Got My Hooks In Your Past With Your Teeth In My Now

my pull
with your tug
makes our push
into more
than this crinkled heart
thought likely.

i’ve got my hooks
in your past
with your teeth
in my now
i take samples
from your then
and make projections
on tomorrow.

I recoil and summate
giving a push
until it pulls
then you tug
and I’m back
to the heat
it all started in
like oil
acquainting itself
with a hot pan
I melt and simmer
with nothing but now
right back into your blue.

sick of caring
about the fossils
their significance weighs in;
I dream
I fear
and I hold firm
but it’s your love that I want
and the language that it lends
not my doubts cast by thoughts
dividing my now
with your then
hiding you in the shadows
of what I know I know
what I’ve felt from the moment
you leaned in close –
I just want you, infinite
unending, no past
just here, our now
all you.

Exhaling Hope

a christmas eve
with tiny, missing,
punctured holes
that let in some sort of light
from another, unseen side.

which side
i don’t know
but another side does shine through
in dark beams
of unidentified elements.

the winter creeps
with icy wind
at my window
rattling loneliness,
flattening my heart.

a twinkle
on the christmas tree
sighs with me
as i greet it,
she tells me,
‘tomorrow will bring
your heart back to you’,
and i smirk in disbelief,
exhaling hope
for a merry christmas.