I Said I Knew

i’ve seen it for years
the light that flickers
when your stream
reaches my shore
it yanks
on what we both know well
call it what you want
a spark that flew
somehow survived
a firefly in a jar
with poke holes of air
often asking
to fly freely
in the summer woods
with a dawn
that never arrives.

Fling & Refocus

to get unstuck
outside parts of yourself
that stick and harden
fool you into thinking
a different way
is always escaping.

i want to unstick
because perspective
is not a flash light
onto reality
but is the core and creator
of all you give and get.

yes to give
i want to give more
give to everything
not just me or someone i love
but give just to give
by being with and working at
what i love
and have created for myself
not dealt
to me by some unnameable force.

you are what you give
you are what you love too
and it’s hard to say which comes first
because when i give i love
and when i love i give too.

I Do Love You

i do love you,
over and over
bright light eyes
draw-me-in grin
you make me feel
closer and closer still
curled into
the creases of your soul
i offer up
every part of myself
each day
like a completely novel idea.

Got My Hooks In Your Past With Your Teeth In My Now

my pull
with your tug
makes our push
into more
than this crinkled heart
thought likely.

i’ve got my hooks
in your past
with your teeth
in my now
i take samples
from your then
and make projections
on tomorrow.

I recoil and summate
giving a push
until it pulls
then you tug
and I’m back
to the heat
it all started in
like oil
acquainting itself
with a hot pan
I melt and simmer
with nothing but now
right back into your blue.

sick of caring
about the fossils
their significance weighs in;
I dream
I fear
and I hold firm
but it’s your love that I want
and the language that it lends
not my doubts cast by thoughts
dividing my now
with your then
hiding you in the shadows
of what I know I know
what I’ve felt from the moment
you leaned in close –
I just want you, infinite
unending, no past
just here, our now
all you.

How Tomorrow Brought My Heart Back

a moment to exhale hope, again
with the same light
that shone through
the fractures
one year ago
warming me
keeping me.

except this time
the unseen side
is seen
and (most) unidentified elements
have revealed themselves.

there is no icy wind
rattling my lonliness
and my heart is far from flat.

and this time,
the twinkle on the christmas tree winks
as i smirk once again
and tell her she was right,
tomorrow did indeed bring my heart back.

~ in response to this moment’s post last year ~

The Year Has Come

a swirl and a tuck
i’m still out in exile
and have decided to linger
summon and move with the forces
that this in between brings.

the year has come
winter came yesterday to prove it
and i know it hasn’t been rushed
it was a long visit all that time
snowy nights with me and the old speakers
playing all the favs in a stranger’s kitchen.

and now, well
i uncurl and extend
with my heart as a tide pool
feelings loll,
like a perfect microcosm of the sea
a continuation from every point
beginning and ending
over and over and never before.

In One Breath I Feel All This

the slippery slope of love when it happens is like wrapping my head around an impossible idea, leading to happiness, lagging to depression, either way i’m up for it and scared of everything. waiting on a broken dream to be miraculously fused back together again. i know it won’t happen. i don’t know if it will happen. i want it to happen. i don’t want it to happen. i’m ready to walk away; i don’t know why i’m walking away. i don’t know how i walked away; i don’t know how i ever stayed. loosening my grip on my past doesn’t get any easier and i’m stuck in between then and now and all of the possibilities ever. i reach for your blue and want to fall under the soothing and hypnotic trance of love and as i extend i also withdraw and turn to look behind me. something is chasing me; something is running away from me. i run away from it; i chase after it.

Like Salivation

ok yes, so maybe
i am restless
and maybe i am a little
taken away by beautiful things
like a song or a sentence,
or a mouth saying words,
which gut me
in a particular fashion.

and then i’ll follow it,
like a drive
that works like salivation
a craving
winding up
and then letting loose and spinning.

it’ll drown my heart,
but i’ll keep it up
until the wave breaks
onto my morning shore
with early light
another layer growing
like skin over a cut,
waiting to heal.

To Make Everything Right Again

life seems to be made up
of miniature elements stacked
without much notice.

and then, when it’s gone
well, yes – it all comes
a’ swarming in
and floods your eyes
so all you can see is that.

and you walk around
with a big gaping hole
missing in your heart
with a bit of dismemberment
thrown into the mix.

all you can do
is hold onto shreds of yourself
left over,
from some other time.

hold onto it
and grow into more
so that it eventually
fills up all the mistakes
and guilt and hate
and makes you
into a human you can love
again – or for the first time.

a hard thing to accept,
the reality of pure
cause and effect,
no destiny, no magical meaning,
no hidden reason
lurking in the shadows
waiting to unravel itself,
to make everything right again.