What It Feels Like When I

i can be taken
by a stretching yellow meadow
a flickering shadow
a moon deep in the sky
over a farmer’s field
a fiddle and lap steel guitar
muggy nights
a flock of birds moving in unison
alongside a dirt road
as i fly by in my parent’s car
windows open,
thinking and feeling
heart exploding
into millions of little pieces.

A Spring Paragraph

when you go so far inside of yourself, that all you can hear and feel is the sound of your own voice – you know you’ve entered into a place that will change you forever. from here, all you can feel is a basic tick-tock of what you are and what you need. and as soon as you allow that tick-tock to be a guiding pulse, everything else starts to fall into place. when you reach to yourself for an answer, you give it to yourself. and when you reach to another to feel something real, it is given to you. and then, with each choice and with each chance, you can open up to what else is possible – how can i be better? how can i be more of myself? you are with yourself, finally. and because you are finally yours, it is with the greatest desire that you wish to give love and happiness to others.

The Devil’s Workshop

This is where my silver-smithing classes are held.
This is where my silver-smithing classes are held.

I registered for a silversmith class today, it starts february 6th, and goes for 6 weeks. I’m so happy about this. The first project is making a ring and setting a stone in it, and then there are 3-4 other projects after that. I’ve always been so curious about this, and there is this little place right up the street from my place that i always walk by. Last night when i strolled passed it i though”i’m doin it”. And today, i went back and signed up. The two women in there were really cool and nice. I left the shop with a huge smile on my face. 🙂

Terence McKenna

“We each must become like fishermen, and go out onto the dark ocean of
mind, and let your nets down into that sea.

“And what you’re after is not some behemoth that will tear through your
nets, foul them, and drag you and your little boat into the abyss. Nor are
what we looking for a bunch of sardines, that can slip through your net
and disappear, ideas like ‘have you ever noticed that your little finger
exactly fits your nostril’ and stuff like that.

“What we are looking for are middle-sized ideas that are not so small that
they are trivial, and not so large that they are incomprehensible, but
middle-sized ideas that we can wrestle into our boat and take back to the
folks on shore, and have fish dinner.

“And everyone of us, this is what we should be looking for. It’s not for
your elucidation, it’s not part of your self-directed psychotherapy; you are
an explorer, and you represent our species.

“And the greatest good you can do is to bring back a new idea, because
our world is endangered by the absence of good ideas. Our world is in
crisis because of the absence of consciousness.

“And so, to whatever degree, any one of us can bring back a small piece
of the picture, and contribute it to the building of the new paradigm.
Then we participate in the redemption of the human spirit.”


My brother sent me this today.

“Take heed that when effort is too strenuous it leads to strain and when too slack to laziness. So make a firm determination that you will adopt the middle way, nor allowing yourself to struggle or to slacken, but recognizing that faith, energy, mindfulness, concentration, and wisdom are the fruits of a calm and equable way.”

ok, big brother.

Let the River In


ease on it, light the dim. work my way out into a brighter area, something i can accept and understand. take care of yourself, my friends tell me. sometimes, i don’t know what this means. but when i listen to music like this, i get an idea of what that could mean for me. listen to yourself, the words inside that are wrapped around feelings and ideas, express myself, don’t be afraid. let the river in. without being submerged nor attempting transcendence…i struggle to find the courage to be inspired by myself. with so much gone and shaky, and old and new, and blown to bits…with so much sad-hearted twisting, i struggle to get through and burrow into this thing inside of me.

here is a song that feels right for me today. i’ve been enjoying Radical Face’s album Ghost. It’s simple and complicated, and it takes you places. Layered, with soothing and soulful lyrics.